What Do You Want From Your Partner?
A lot of persons have so many dreams of the kind of partner they’d love to spend the rest of their life with, the kind of marriage, family and kids they’d love to have. But more often than not, these expectations and dreams never becomes a reality because they’re ignorant of certain facts that should enable them achieve their dreams. Some persons also gets so blinded by infatuations in their relationships and when they get into marriage, the reality begins to dawn on them that what they’ve got isn’t what they actually wanted. Marriage is not rocket science, neither does it exist in the blues. It isn’t about wishful thinking. Wishing to have a successful and happy marriage where all your dreams and expectations are will be met, is like helplessly leaving your destiny to chance. You must know what you want, and make deliberate effort towards achieving your dreams. Those who know the kind of partner they want in marriage, that’ll enable them build their dream home, and are also armed with the basic knowledge of how to achieve their dream do not struggle much in marriage.
It will be difficult achieving your desires of getting your dream partner and have the kind of family you dream of, without a knowledge and understanding of the temperaments and personality traits. Else, you’d fall for everybody who shows you some of their physical qualities, without really figuring out if their temperament is compatible with yours or not. Someone could be nice, calm, and gentle, those are very desirable qualities. But is that all that your temperament needs. Another person could be very lively, expressive and hilarious, also very nice attributes that anyone will appreciate, but have you found out if those will suffice to keep you happy in the marriage and if they agree with your temperament? Remember, you’re not only marrying the physical human being you’re seeing or their outward and superficial dispositions. You’re more than anything else , getting married to their inner qualities, the real them, and their real character whether they be good or bad. Thus it’s only an understanding of the temperaments and their basic strengths and weaknesses that’ll help you figure out all these, so you can make the right decisions about who to marry.
However, you must identify your own temperament so you’ll be in a better position to determining which temperament is capable of helping you actualize your dream. To find out which temperament category you belong, give yourself a temperament test with list below.
1. Are you an extrovert or introvert?
2. Do you enjoy spending time with people?
3. Are you an impulsive quick-talker?
4. Do you take decisions based on how your feel?
5. Do you have to apologize frequently?
6. Do you love leadership?
7. Do you like making decisions for yourself and everyone?
8. Do you love work and activities?
9. Do you find it difficult empathizing with others?
10. Are you quiet and slow in talking?
11. Do you easily switch moods?
12. Do you love perfection?
13. Do you have deep emotional feelings?
14. Do you love details and analysis?
15. Do you easily rescind your decision when under pressure?
16. Do you like to stick to routines?
17. Do you fear taking financial risk?
18. Do you easily get depressed?
From the above list, if you answered yes to 1 that you’re an extrovert and yes to from 2 to 5, then you’re primarily a “sanguine”. If you answered yes to 1 that you’re an extrovert and yes to from 6 to 9, you’re primarily a “choleric”. If your answer is yes to 1 that you’re an introvert and yes to from 10 to 14 and 18, then you’re predominantly a “melancholy”. And if you answered yes to 1 that you’re an introvert and yes to 10, and to from 15 to 17 but you do not easily get depressed, then you’re obviously a “phlegmatic”. This is only a brief temperament test to give you an inkling of the category you might belong. Now that you have a clue about your temperament, it is now easier to discover which temperament suits your personality for marriage and which will easily align to make your expectations and dreams come through. Let’s match some of them and see if they’re what you want.
If you’re a phlegmatic, male or female and your dream is a courageous, brave, decisive and confident partner. Who works hard to provide all that the family needs and may not even want you to work other than to take care of the home and the kids. Then, you’re probably interested in a Choleric. What you should expect from this union is less fun and communication times, you should also envisage a marriage where one party makes the decisions and calls the short. You’ll have kids who will sometimes behave like extroverts of the Cholerics, and at other times, they’ll behave like introverts. But this union is better when it’s between a choleric husband and a phlegmatic wife.
But if you’re a phlegmatic and your dream partner is someone who both of you will be mutually committed to each other, and to the welfare of your kids. A partner who keeps to his or her promises and will always put their marriage and family first before any other thing, and both of you will be happy planning life together, especially when you do not have to face any external pressures, then marrying a melancholy will be perfect for you. However, you should anticipate frequent mood swings which could either result in happy and exciting moments or depression which could sometimes lead to conflict. You’ll have very intelligent, disciplined, quiet and organized kids who’ll be pure introverts but will often battle with fear and low self-esteem.
And if you’ve identified your temperament to fall within the melancholy category, and your dream is a partner who both of you will be mutually loyal and respectful of one another. A diligent, courageous, supportive and hard working partner, that both of you will be concerned about the welfare and well-being of your kids and also plans and works together towards achieving a common goal. Then, your best match will be a choleric. However, you should envisage some conflicts and little disagreements at the early stages of your marriage, especially if you both did not have enough time to date. But at some point in the marriage, both of you will blend, and make great couples. Melchol or cholmel kids will be intelligent, highly disciplined, courageous, confident and self-sufficient. But they’ll likely be insensitive to the needs of others, and also inconsiderate of them. I’ll advocate however, for a choleric wife and a melancholy husband because they’ll be a more perfect match compared to a choleric husband and a melancholy wife.
I’ve carefully chosen these three temperaments: choleric/phlegmatic, phlegmatic/melancholy and choleric/ melancholy because they’re the most compatible for marriage, and they’ll easily be successful in every sense of marital and parenting life. A sanguine bonding with a pure melancholy or choleric are the least compatible temperament for marriage, except if the sanguine have another secondary temperament of the phlegmatic. The only temperament a pure sanguine could be compatible with, is the phlegmatics. But they’ll often fail in raising their kids and the marriage will be ridden with suspicions and accusations of infidelity. But if every marriage could have a trace of the sanguine temperament, then marriages will be more fun and seamless.
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