It’s rather more of sounding like a broken record than a breaking news, to say that different temperaments has got various weaknesses that often negatively impacts them in life. These weaknesses may either impact us as individuals or negatively impact our relationship with others. For a typical melancholy, one major weakness that negatively impacts him personally is low self-esteem. This weakness more often than not, limits him in life, in attaining the height of success he’s meant to attain, and also makes him easily drawn towards self-persecution or self-pity.
However, there are some basic factors that often predisposes melancholies to poor self-image or low self-esteem. And we’re going to consider them one after the other. But before we go ahead, let me quickly state that overcoming low self-esteem isn’t just a one-off practice, neither does it start and end by reading this post. It requires consistent practice of some recommended tips. It’s for this reason that I want to recommend a book you can read, to further learn how to overcome or manage this weakness. You can check it out on this link. This book is very inspiring and insightful in dealing with issues of poor self- image or low self-esteem. And there have been numerous reviews about it by a large number of people. It is available online on Amazon store.
Having said that, let’s now get into our topic for today. As someone who had suffered from this social situation myself, I believe I’m in better position to share with you how I was able to conquer low self-esteem. As a melchol of almost 65 percent melancholy, and 35 percent choleric, and also raised by melphleg and cholphleg parents. I battled so much with low self-esteem. Growing up, feeling very timid before my mates, and also having a feeling of self-pity and persecution over every little thing, isn’t uncommon for me. It was like that until I got admission into the university, and I began to see life from a different perspective.
I read some books about how to overcome this weakness, but they could only make very little superficial, rather than profound difference, as I still easily and frequently relapse into this social situation. Not until I was able to read about the temperaments, courtesy of why you act the way you do by Tim Lahaye, then I discovered the reason for my low self-esteem. Discovering these reasons, helped me to know how to overcome it. It for this reason I want to share with you how you can overcome low self-esteem as a melancholy. First off, let’s consider some of the main causes of a typical melancholy’s low self-esteem or poor self-image.
Factors Responsible For Melancholies Low self-esteem:
There are 3 main factors responsible for a melancholy’s low self-esteem or poor self-image. Let’s take a brief look at them.
1. Natural Weakness:
Like we stated at beginning of this post, every temperament has got its own natural weaknesses, which are often visible in the personality traits of a person. For melancholies, one of their major weakness is poor or low self-esteem. It’s innate, since it was passed unto them by birth, as a result of the genes they inherited from their melancholic parents or grandparents during their conception. Everybody inherited their temperament from their forebears, and it’s for this reason that the temperament one is born with, rarely changes, it follows us all through life. It dates way back to our ancestral origin. It was passed from your great grandparents to your grandparents, down to your parents and you’ll most likely also pass them to your own children.
However, since it’s possible that our ancient mum and dad down to our immediate, may be of different temperaments. Let’s say your great grandad could be sanguine, while your great grandma could be either choleric or melancholy. Traits of sanguine and melancholy or choleric temperaments will be passed unto your grandparents and also down to your own parents, and you’ll most likely also pass them to your own kids. It’s basically for this reason that every human being have got two or more temperaments blends combined in them in varying proportions. And depending on either of our parents, mum or dad, that has got a more influence on us or we inherited more of their genes, we will most likely behave according to influence of that particular dominant temperament.
Thus, one of the main weaknesses of the melancholic temperament is low self-esteem. This weakness will no doubt be in them by default. Some people may try to hide or even deny its existence in them, and for some, because of their exposure and level of education, may pretend that it never existed. But growing up as a kid you’ll often see yourself being faced with this challenge. Although, low self esteem is more visible in melancholic kids, teenagers and adolescents. Adult melancholies may have been able to outgrow it, due to their exposure and experiences in life, unless they’re typical melancholies of say 70 or 80 percent. It’s only then that they may still sometimes battle with it when faced with some social situations. In conclusion, one major factor that’s obviously responsible for the low self- esteem of melancholies, is that, it’s hereditary, which is one of the natural or innate weakness of the melancholy temperament.
2. Parental Upbringing:
Apart from the fact that low self- esteem is a natural weakness of the melancholic temperament, parental upbringing could make it even worse. No parents can give what they’re destitute of. A typical melancholic parent will for a certainty raise his or her kids in their melancholic style of parenting. Even if your immediate parents weren’t melancholies and you were raised by your melancholic grandparent or you perhaps inherited the melancholic traits from them, you’ll still have a tendency towards rating yourself very low since you were raised by parents who couldn’t build your confidence or self-esteem, but often needs you to be perfect in all you do. Melancholy parents often demands one hundred percent from their kids, and failure to achieve this, makes them easily withdraw their commendations and compliments. This no doubt instills a feeling of fear and inadequacy in their kids. Typical melancholy parent style of parenting and training their kids is another factor that often induces a feeling of poor or low self- esteem in their kids.
One of the characteristics of typical melancholies is their perfectionism or perfectionist tendencies in everything they do. No other temperament is more of a perfectionist or easily prone to perfection more than a melancholy. He’s a very careful and self-conscious person, who always wants to get everything one hundred percent done or completed. His failure to achieve this makes him feel underachieved. Consequently, it induces a feeling of inadequacy in him. The moment melancholies starts having this kind of feeling, making the mistake of comparing their best with the worst of others is not uncommon for them, without realizing that others are even looking up to them.
A melancholy is not still satisfied even if he’s got the best. He often feels that others have got something better than his best, unless he’s sure that he had accomplished one hundred percent of everything. This attitude often limits them in life, and makes them unable to aspire for greater heights. Next to melancholies are phlegmatics. But phlegmatics do not often battle with low self-esteem, if they do, it’s often because of fear, shyness and inability to withstand criticisms, pressures or challenges. But the extreme self- consciousness and perfectionism of melancholies, usually predisposes them to having a poor image of themselves or feelings of low self- esteem.
It often amazes me that someone who’s as intelligent, personable, detailed, creative and analytical like a typical melancholy still battles with low self esteem. Yes, they do, because it’s a natural weakness, worsened by the kind of parental upbringing they got from their melancholic parents and their perfectionist tendencies, not to mention of being overly conscious of themselves. Let’s now consider how melancholies can overcome their low self-esteem.
How Can Melancholies Overcome Low Self-esteem?
There’s basically no hard process for melancholies to overcome low self- esteem. The first part has to do with melancholy parents being deliberate about helping their melancholic kids to come out of this social weakness, through the kind of parenting and training they give them. They should always endeavor to instill courage, self-confidence and dignity in their kids through complimenting and commending them for their little efforts, and spur them to do better next time. Rather than induce fear, feelings of guilt and disapproval in their kids. This will help them grow to become very courageous, confident and self-sufficient adults.
However, since no parent can give what they lack, it may be possible as someone who was raised by typical melancholy parents or you naturally inherited this melancholic traits from either of your melancholy father or mother or even your grandmother or grandfather. This weakness could be found in you by default. Now, you need to think of how to get rid of it. And this is basically the strategy I used. After battling with this problem for years, I began to look for the best way to manage or possibly overcome it. The first thing I did was to identify my primary temperament. After knowing the temperament am born with, the next thing was to know some of the strengths that are associated with my temperament.
One of the strengths and qualities I discovered, is that I often feel happier, confident and fulfilled when am able to use my natural talent and skills to impact positively on people’s lives, bring solutions to their problems and make them feel relieved. This spured me to go into writing and publishing some self-help books, and engaging in some other humanitarian services just to help people overcome their challenges and live a better life. As a typical melancholy, you’re naturally a self-sacrificing personality. You feel more fulfilled and accomplished when you’re able to positively impact on people’s lives and make them live a happier life. When people appreciate and commend you for your impact, it often builds your confidence and motivates you to do more. You’ve got some basic natural strengths and qualities as a melancholy. You need to rediscover yourself and begin to use these qualities and strengths you’ve got inside you, to positively impact on people’s lives. By so doing, you will get their accolades and compliments, and this will no doubt make you have a feeling of accomplishment and you’ll for a fact, gradually outgrow those feelings of inadequacy, consequently overcome your low self-esteem.
These are my thoughts on how you can conquer low self-esteem as a melancholy. Thanks for reading. If you find this post interesting, kindly buy me a cup of coffee or support to maintain this blog’s running cost. Thank you.