Pros And Cons of Marrying A Melancholic Temperament:
The four basic temperaments has got inherent strengths and weaknesses that are relevant to them, and they to a very large extent often determines the personality traits of everyone.
These strengths and weaknesses often impacts us positively or negatively in almost all aspects of our lives. Be it marriage, career, leadership, family life, child training or parenting, our interpersonal relationship with other persons and finally, on our general outlook on life.
In marriage, the weaknesses of each temperament in either of the couples could be a disadvantage to them both, while their strengths will also be an advantage to their marriage.
But one thing you definitely must understand is that, there is no perfect marriage. Because our natural human imperfections plus other oddities, which obviously has its roots from our inherited temperaments, has no doubt made it impossible for there to be a perfect marriage or relationship that’s devoid of any shortcomings.
But the major thing that keeps any marriage going and moving forward regardless of any circumstances is, looking out for the strengths in your spouse that far outweighs some of their weaknesses. Which could be of immense benefit or advantage to you, and also complements to a very large extent your own innate temperament weaknesses.
Then, you leverage on those strengths for marital success. Since marriage is about connecting with one another, partnership and building together.
It’s therefore very pertinent that we are all aware of the various impact or the role our inherited temperaments plays in different areas of our lives.
So we’ll know how to manage those harmful traits of our temperament weaknesses and oddities on us, which are also very disadvantageous to both us and also our spouse’s in marriage. And indeed, know how to maximize our individual strengths, and make them come to bare on our marital endeavors.
Considering the typical melancholy in today’s post, we want to consider some of the major advantages and disadvantages of marrying a typical melancholic person, either husband or wife.
So you will be able to figure out what to expect from a typical melancholy personality in marriage, if perhaps you’re not yet married. Or be able to identify if you had married a typical melancholy spouse, and how you can manage or adjust to their way of life and sentiments.
Who Is A Melancholy?
Basically, melancholies are one of the four basic temperament categories. They are described as earth by the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates, who believes in theory of humorism. They perfectly fits into the description because like the earth, melancholies are accommodating and hospitable personalities.
By their nature, they are the most accommodating and very hospitable of all the temperaments. They’re often very passionate about making others feel very happy and comfortable, even if it will cost them denying themselves of their own comfort at the moment, to just please you.
But just like the earth have got a well defined retributive measures if often undermined or treated very unfairly. So also melancholies strongly believes in the fact that anyone, irrespective of who they are, must be punished for their wrongdoings. Melancholies are rarely emotional or sentimental when it’s got to do with justice.
Neither do they also pander towards emotional sentiments when it comes to sticking to what is right and just. Eventhough they may sometimes not be as courageous and forthright as their typical choleric counterparts, but they always hold on tenaciously to what they believe is the right thing.
Melancholies are the most emotional persons, both in terms of adrenaline rush, which makes them easily have inner anger, eventhough they may not quickly express it like the sanguines and cholerics. Secondly, they are also erotically emotional towards their heartthrobs, and have got some kind of sentimental attachments towards their loved ones.
Nevertheless, whenever it comes to sticking to what is fair, right and just, melancholies rarely compromise or succumb to pressures because of any kind of sentimental and emotional attachments. Next to melancholies when it comes to being emotional, are the sanguines and phlegmatics. But a sanguine’s emotions is often triggered when their feelings is undermined and which they will never hesitate to express in quick explosive outburst.
Melancholies are the most gifted and talented of the temperaments, with very high IQ. However, despite their personable and admirable qualities, they are the temperaments that often battles more with moodiness and low self-esteem than others. The reason for this, is obviously not farfetched.
Their perfectionist tendencies and also hard to satisfy attitude, always having a feeling that others have got something better than his best, makes it very difficult for melancholies to accept and appreciate themselves. Hence, they’re often too critical and hard on themselves.
Melancholies are loving and caring persons. Their love for their spouses or heartthrobs is deep in the inside, but they rarely express it. But from their countenance and dispositions, especially when they are very much comfortable with you, you’ll no doubt be convinced that they feel something deep for you.
The melancholy’s deep love isn’t just for anyone, they rarely fall in love with strangers or perhaps someone they barely know. But with someone they are so much comfortable and familiar with, having spent a enough time with them, and had also taken time to build the love.
However, melancholies also needs you to sincerely reciprocate that love and respect they’ve got for you, so as to keep them interested in, and also bonded with you. Apart from typical cholerics who comes close, no other temperament values respect more than a typical melancholy.
If you lack respect and manner in the way you talk to, or relate with people, be sure that a melancholy will keep his or her distance from you and may not want to have anything to do with you.
This is because they are also very cautious persons, and careful not to hurt or do anything that could make you feel bad in their relationship with you. They’re the most circumspect of all the temperaments when relating with people. They thus need everyone to reciprocate this behavioral pattern.
They’re easily the most serious and disciplined temperament asides the cholerics. Like the cholerics, they do not subscribe to frivolities and maybe unserious behaviours, especially at a time when they’re serious and sober.
It’s basically for this reason that they are often averse to a typical sanguine unserious and undisciplined lifestyle, and will often run into disagreements with them. Let’s briefly consider some of the advantages and disadvantages of marrying melancholy personality.
Major Disadvantages of Marrying a Melancholy Personality:
The first and foremost disadvantage of marrying a typical melancholy is, moodiness. A melancholy is a very moody personality. A predominant melancholy’s mood often fluctuates very frequently. Very negligible things often gets his mood up or down. This minute, their mood is up, and the next minute, it goes completely down, that you will wonder if he or she were the same person that was very excited a few minutes ago.
For a typical melancholy person, very little or common things that gladdens their souls could turn up their mood that they will become very happy and excited. Similarly, very negligible and inconsequential things that could be taken for granted by any of the other temperaments could also easily get a typical melancholy’s mood down and they’ll look very moody and morose.
When a melancholy’s mood is up, that he or she feels very happy and excited they’re easily the best person to relate with, because they like to make every other person feel as happy as they are.
Feeling sad during their exciteful and happy moment, leaves a very bitter taste in their mouth, and it’s capable of extinguishing their excitement. But when melancholies are in a sad mood, being happy at that moment is a taboo and crime against them.
Melancholies often wants everyone to be sober and also feel their pain when they’re sad, this is especially for their spouse and loved ones. That way, you make them feel that you care so much about them.
A typical melancholy is the worst kind of person to talk to, or maybe relate with when they’re moody, especially if you are not going to first sympathize with them and soberly feel how they feel.
It’s basically for this reason that you must learn to be patient with a typical melancholy and show them enormous care and attention for their love for you to be sustained.
The second major disadvantage you’ll encounter marrying a melancholic is, Selfishness. Typical melancholies are extremely selfish persons, eventhough they may not realize it, since they do often confuse selfishness with being considerate.
Melancholies are very considerate of others, on doubt about that, especially in trying to know what they think or how they feel about them. But when it comes to being selfless and preferring others, and trying to see things from other’s perspective, they are usually not that kind of person.
Melancholies rarely sees things from your own perspective or point of view thus they could be very dogmatic like their choleric counterparts, and also stubbornly holding on to their own opinion to a very unreasonable point.
Unless they’re convinced beyond any doubt or if perhaps they allow their conscience to minister to them during their quiet and sober moments, only then could they try to see reason with you.
Typical melancholies rarely accepts their faults or wrongdoings, unless they are very much convinced about it. They thus find it extremely difficult apologizing or saying “i am sorry” to their spouse.
They could give you so many reasons why they think they’re right, to the extent that you could almost get very angry and irritated. Therefore, don’t expect that your melancholy spouse will easily accept or admit their fault and apologize to you, just because you said that they’re wrong.
You must be very sure of your facts, and even when you’re sure, don’t try to force them to accept it by being verbally aggressive or critical. As this could further worsen things, and they will become more recalcitrant. But a very soft convincing tone in private, that speaks to their conscience will certainly suffice to bring back their reasonability.
Another major disadvantage you must be aware of, if you’re planning to marry a melancholy is that, they’re not hustling or outgoing persons. Unless they remotely applied for a job or get recommended, melancholies are rarely the kind of persons that goes out on their own to hussle and look for jobs in order to take care of themselves and their family. This is because melancholies are introverts by nature.
One main characteristics of introverts is that they’re indoor and shy persons who often finds it difficult interacting with people. Thus, expecting your melancholic spouse to be the one to go out there to look for, and do any kind of menial job to provide for their family is really an uphill task for them
However, they could do the job when offered the opportunity, and perhaps when the situation has become very critical that they no longer have any choice. Perhaps because of their very responsive and also self-sacrificing qualities, in order to save their family.
Melancholies enjoys full or part time paid employment, where they could give all their best. Unless it’s remotely applied for, and they land the job, it’s always cumbersome effort for him to get out there and get it. Melancholies also enjoys working for themselves or having their own private business.
Thus, they should be encouraged to start any private lucrative business either from the comfort of their home or pay for a space outside their home, where they could offer their services.
Any job or business that will require a melancholy to go out there to plead with people or get their buy-in, is a very difficult one for them. Because they like to live an independent and self-sufficient life like their choleric counterparts.
Another major disadvantage to look out for, when contemplating tieing the knot with a melancholy is that they’re hard to satisfy. Just like the cholerics are hard to please, typical melancholies on their part are very hard to satisfy.
It is almost not possible to satisfy a typical melancholy, because they are perfectionist who often wants every thing to be perfectly done. Even when they’ve got the best, they still feel the other person has got something better than their best.
Apart from being a perfectionist, one other main factor that encourages their unsatisfactory feeling, is the fact that they often trivialize the qualities they’ve got, thus comparing their best with the worst of others. Melancholies have got so much personable qualities inside of them. They’re easily the most gifted, talented and also intelligent of all the temperaments.
But unfortunately, they’re the still the temperament that often battles with low self-esteem and having feelings of inadequacy. This temperament sure needs to marry someone who loves them beyond their weaknesses, very understanding, and also courageous enough to bring out the best in them, because they’ve got so much to offer and contribute to humanity.
The last major disadvantage of tieing the knot with a melancholy we want to consider is that, melancholies carries over unsettled quarrels. There’s no other temperament that knows how to keep malice or keep their distance from you over a little quarrel or disagreement more than melancholies.
Melancholies often bears inner anger, which could make issues of marital conflicts last longer than expected. Even a quick-tempered and aggressive choleric does not come close to typical melancholy’s animosity, and keeping malice or avoiding you over very little disagreement.
Even in their homes, melancholies often finds it difficult to resolve issues of quarrel and marital conflicts with their spouse in the home, especially when they believe that they haven’t done anything wrong. Thus, sleeping or carrying over unresolved conflicts throughout the night isn’t uncommon for them.
Sometimes, ego or having a conscious feeling that they could be taken for granted, makes the issues of marital conflict lasts longer than necessary in melancholic spouse’s marriage.
Thus, if your intention is getting married to a melancholy, just be aware that some issues of marital conflicts won’t easily be settled by them as soon as possible, unless you are always willing to be the first to make the move to resolve it.
Conclusively, there could be other cons or disadvantage of marrying a typical melancholy especially in areas of finance, career choices and some personal oddities they may have
but these 5 are the major ones you should look out for, and decide if you will be able to tolerate or manage them.
These weaknesses or oddities applies to both female and male melancholies since they both possess similar traits. Let us consider briefly some benefits and advantages of tieing the knot with a typical melancholic spouse.
Major Advantages of Marrying a Melancholy:Create an Amazon Wedding Registry
One of the major advantage or benefit you’d get marrying a melancholy is their self-sacrificing qualities. There is no other temperament that is more self-sacrificing than the melancholies. They are burden bearers. If they love you and feel so much attracted to you, carrying all your problems on their shoulders no matter how difficult it may be, is not uncommon for them.
Even in team that they’re part of, and it is expected of the team to deliver, you’ll often see typical melancholies sacrificing everything they’ve got, and going out of their way to ensure that the team succeeds and not disappoint. In your marriage or eros relationship, they could sacrifice anything within their power their time, money, energy or any other thing they could easily let go, just to make you feel happy and comfortable.
For a typical melancholy who’s in love nothing is too much to let go of, just for their loved ones to feel very happy and comfortable. They often give up so much for the comfortability and happiness of others. This no doubt often makes them get drained of their own energy and self-esteem. But if they’re often appreciated for this, they tend to have an inner joy and a feeling satisfaction.
It is basically for this reason that a lot of persons who are into a relationship with typical melancholies and maybe had also encountered or experienced their good qualities, do not want to loose them despite their weaknesses.
Melancholies have got so many nice and personable qualities that could make you overlook majority of their personal oddities and discouraging weaknesses. And being self-sacrificing is one of those strengths and qualities that you’ll definitely appreciate them for in your marital relationship.
The second major advantage you’d get marrying a typical melancholy is that, a predominant melancholy person is naturally responsive & responsible. Melancholies are one of the few very responsible and responsive persons to the needs of their families. There’s no other temperament that’s much more close to, and attached to their family more than the melancholies. Next to them in this area are their phlegmatic counterparts.
For melancholies, as long as their family is comfortable and doing fine, no one else matters to them. It makes them feel very happy and elated, and gives them the courage to pursue and focus on their dreams. Melancholies are very passionate about keeping their families together, and everyone being carried along in every affairs of the family.
They know their responsibilities and roles in the home, and they rarely shy away from it. They’r the temperament that often knows how to manage their time, often balances their job, career or business and their domestic roles and routines.
Typical melancholies are one of the few temperaments that rarely takes their private or family matters to the public, or talk to anyone about the goings on in their family. Especially if it’s a marriage they still believe in, and wants to protect.
They wouldn’t want anyone to speak ill of their spouse or give them ideas and suggestions that could ruin their marriage. Therefore, their extreme conservative disposition when it’s got to do with letting you in on what goes on in their marriage.
Melancholies are very intelligent and down-to-earth, therefore you need to be very circumspect when advising them on, or perhaps talking to them about some issues bothering on their private or marital life. Never speak ill of their spouse despite what happens, for as long as they’re still with them in the marriage. Melancholies actually feels deeper inner love for their loved ones than they appear on the outside.
Therefore, since they rarely express how much they love them, you may think otherwise. But if you dare speak ill of their spouse or loved ones, then you’re already an enemy who could be harmful to what or who they love.
For melancholies, you must love and respect whoever they love and respect else, you won’t be getting their sincere and unreserved commitment, loyalty and trust. Next to the melancholies in this behavioral pattern are the typical cholerics.
But unlike the melancholies who may not confront you immediately but will decide to keep their distance from you cholerics are blunt and forthright in letting you know that they will not subscribe to your ideas and opinions.
Being responsible and responsive to their families, and placing them far and above any other thing is one of the benefits of marrying a melancholy spouse.
Another benefit you’d get marrying a predominant melancholic spouse is their commitment and fidelity to the one they love. When a melancholy is in love with you, whether female or male melancholy, it is often difficult for him or her to cheat on you, or not be committed to you. Melancholies are easily one of the most faithful and sincere persons towards those who’ve proven to be worthy of their sincerity and faithfulness.
However, just like each temperament has got what could make them cheat on their spouse, and indulge in extra- marital relationships, so also typical melancholies could be susceptible to indulging in extramarital affairs if the factors that predisposes them to it are encountered. But it is very rare, and difficult to get a melancholy who’s in love to cheat on their spouse.
For their disciplined and reserved nature makes them to easily conquer sexual allurements towards engaging in extramarital affairs and infidelity. Their conscientious nature also makes it very difficult for them to disappoint you when you’re counting on them.
The melancholy spouse’s faithfulness and commitment to their heartthrobs is one of the major reason why a lot of those who are married to them could often forgive or overlook some of the personal oddities they’ve got, or may be have the courage to manage their temperament weaknesses.
The next major advantage of getting married to a typical melancholy is in the area of parenting and raising their kids. Melancholies are balanced in how they train and raise their kids, often uses the carrot and stick method to raise very lovable and disciplined kids.
A typical melancholic parent will not hesitate to discipline or wield the stick on their kids if they misbehave, especially if they’ve given them prior warning. They’re very resolute about disciplining their kids to correct their misbehaviours.
However, melancholic parents are also one of the most romantic and loving parents to their kids. Although, typical melancholies are rarely the playful type of persons. But during their best moments in their homes, you will often find them engaging in some horseplay with their kids to the admiration of their spouse. This is particularly typical of melancholic fathers.
It’s basically for this reason that their kids, especially their female kids are very much close and also bonded to their melancholic fathers more than even the melancholic mother. Like the cholerics, the kids of a melancholic parent knows exactly what’s expected of them from their parent ahead of time. But unlike the choleric parent, melancholic parents are much more loving and responsive to their kids more than cholerics.
The last major benefit of marrying a melancholy is in finance planning and management ability. Although typical melancholy’s frugality and being financially conservative could be a source of conflicts in their homes especially if they married, perhaps a financially extravagant person like the sanguine or a big spender like the cholerics.
However, when it comes to money management, budgeting and finance planning, plus saving for the rainy day, melancholies are the best persons that could save you some financial stress and bankruptcy.
They’re very conscious of budgeting, finance planning and savings before spending any money. It’s basically for this reason that melancholies rarely goes bankrupt, because of their good and efficient finance management ability and frugality in spending.
These are some the major advantages and disadvantages of tieing the knot with a typical melancholic personality in marriage. For more about the traits of a melancholy: bestsellers like know yourself through the temperament by Conrad Hock, and The perfectionist: Growing as an Enneagram 1 (60-Day Enneagram Devotional by Elisabeth Bennett will enable you to know more about the melancholy temperament, also known as the perfectionist.
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