Marital Relationship Between Predominant Choleric And Phlegmatic Couples:
This is a marriage between a highly influential, domineering and assertive spouse and a calm, quiet and yielding spouse. What does this kind of marital relationship portend for both spouses, it is basically what we are going to be looking at in our discussion today.
The one most important thing about this marital relationship is that, if it’s not well managed, particularly if the choleric spouse doesn’t seem to come to terms with, or understand the fact that marriage is all about connecting with one another, companionship, partnership and building together. The tendency towards allowing his or her ego to get a better part of them is not uncommon. Consequently making the marriage exist as a master-servant relationship.
It’s a marriage where if both spouses could be able to manage some of their weaknesses or allow themselves to be influenced by one another’s strengths, then they will become one of the most balanced and compatible couple in so many areas of their marital endeavors and pursuits. Apart from that, it’s also a marriage wherein the stronger is no doubt expected to protect the weaker, but more often than not, it turns out to be a bullish and abusive marriage, or to say the least, a master and slave marital relationship.
More specifically, a typical choleric and phlegmatic marital relationship is expected to be one wherein the strong being the choleric spouse, especially if it is a typical male choleric husband is supposed to use his very courageous, fearless, vibrant and his can never be intimidated natural traits to protect his or her easily timid and frightened phlegmatic spouse. While the typical phlegmatic spouse in return also tries to use his or her humor, nice and kind qualities, plus gracious and respectful speeches to build the responsiveness and also the emotional or sentimental responses of his or her choleric lover and heartthrob.
But it’s quite unfortunate that rarely do these two spouses achieve this, nor exchange this positive influences with each other. But more often than not, it is either one is totally in control of the marriage and completely dominates it to the extent that the other rarely has a say in what happens therein, thus, remain lonely and bored in the home. Or both couples simply learn to avoid each other, while minding their own business. This is usually in situations where an enlightened or experienced phlegmatic spouse is involved, who may had experienced some emotional trauma in the past, and had developed some thick skin subsequently.
The predominant choleric personality is a naturally egocentric and narrow- minded person, who rarely panders to the opinions of others, neither do they care about who gets hurt when its got to do with achieving their goals. The high-handedness, inconsiderateness and other weaknesses of the choleric spouse will no doubt be a major factor in this union. And not just phlegmatic spouse that’s confronted with this in marriage, but any other temperament for that matter, will often have to face or contend with these predominant choleric weaknesses in marriage. But it’s more often common in a marriage between a choleric and a phlegmatic because, the phlegmatics are the most peaceful and easily timid of the four basic temperaments, especially when their aggressive choleric husband or wife roars in anger.
A typical choleric spouse, especially a choleric husband is work and activity prone. Consequently engaging himself in various woks and activities outside his home is not uncommon for him. He often thrives in various activities that could yield him financial benefits so he can pay his bills and take care of his family. He’s very much concerned about his job, career, business or any other thing that could bring money to him. But he rarely balances all these with showing enough attention and commitment toward his wife and kids
Infact, soon after the choleric’s first kiss on the altar, and immediately after their honeymoon, they soon to forget everything about romance and showing love and affection to their heartthrobs. For work and activities seems to take the center stage. And their phlegmatic spouse will always complain and lament about this. But a choleric husband in his usual manner will not hesitate to vociferously lash out at them with the fact that he often provides everything they need and all that the family needs, and what more do they want from him. Without also realizing the fact that his wife and kid equally needs his love, attention and affection.
Just like their sanguine counterparts, so many persons who are married to predominant cholerics actually feel so lonely and bored in their marriage. Because they’re outgoing persons who are not always there when they need them to. However, while sanguines are more or less guilty of not showing enough commitment to their spouses and members of their family because they often derive pleasure spending more of their time with friends and admirers outside their homes. Typical cholerics on the other hand, do often allows work and activities, and also accomplishing their goals to deprive them the opportunity of being bonded with their families.
For a predominant phlegmatic spouse who’s married to a choleric, there are two basic things these idiosyncrasies of their choleric spouse could make them result to doing. The first is that, it could either make them to become accustomed to their typical choleric heartthrob lifestyle. Therefore, they’ll decide to long-suffer in the marriage, and learn to live with their choleric spouse’s oddities. Thus, feeling very lonely and bored in the marriage will definitely be the order of the day. You can read my post on how to overcome loneliness and boredom in marriage.
The second consequence is that, this could make the phlegmatic spouse, if especially the wife is the phlegmatic. It could expose them easily to falling into the temptation of indulging in some extramarital affairs in order to fill that void that was created by their choleric spouse. This is typical of, and also common to female phlegmatics. A phlegmatic personality, though highly introverted personality, who no doubt relishes quiet, peaceful and sedentary lifestyle.
However, they also love and enjoys the company of admirers and friends who tries to eulogize, flatter and also compliment them for their kind and nice qualities. Infact phlegmatics can’t do much without the company and compliments of people. It’s more like a morale booster for predominantly phlegmatics having persons who do often appreciates and supports them before they can embark on any task. This is basically because they’re the least self-sufficient and self-motivated personalities of the temperaments.
Therefore a typical phlegmatic spouse feeling lonely and bored in marriage because of not getting enough of their heartthrob’s attention, affection and commitment, it could make them fall prey, or become vulnerable to those who shows them enormous amount of attention and commitment. Thus, the tendency towards indulging in an extramarital affairs with them will be very palpable.
Moreover, typical phlegmatics rarely have that courage and bluntness to resist sexual advances made at them by those who had consistently shown them enough attention, commitment and care. Consequently, the bond and emotional attachments that had once existed in their marriage will begin to loosen up, if perhaps they’ve found a consoler in that person. Thus, since their male choleric spouse will not be able to tolerate or stomach any act of infidelity or disloyalty, physical abuse may eventually find its way into their marriage and this could subsequently result in divorce or separation in the end.
Barring some of the main oddities of the choleric spouse, especially the choleric husband, which is no doubt their main temperament weaknesses in marriage. A marital relationship between a predominant choleric man and predominant phlegmatic woman is supposed to be one of the best, in which both spouses are expected to complement each other with their strengths. The phlegmatic wife is no doubt supposed to be very proud of getting married to a very courageous, fearless, productive, responsible and forthright plus hardworking husband, while the choleric husband will often feel very fulfilled that he married very calm, quiet, peaceful, respectful and faithful plus domestically savvy wife in a phlegmatic.
But it’s quite unfortunate that rather than complement and support each other with these strengths, in order to build a very successful home, and also have a happy married life. More often than not, the choleric husband allows his ego and other weaknesses to get a better part of them in their marriage, and turn a once sweet marriage into a bitter and unpleasant one. You can read my post on 8 strategies of living with a domineering and very abusive choleric spouse.
Regardless of any eventualities that could spring up later in their marital relationship the predominant choleric and phlegmatic personalities are very much attracted to each other. This is usually more common between the typical choleric man, and phlegmatic woman. The choleric man who’s very domineering and authoritarian often panders towards very calm, quiet and gentle persons who’ll always submit to their dictates and authority. Since he hates being challenged or any act of disloyalty and insubordination, he often considers a simple and innocent phlegmatic woman as the best person that meet or satisfies his selfish desire.
The phlegmatic woman on the other hand, is also attracted to a choleric man. Being a very shy, fearful, timid and easily frightened person, they’re naturally attracted to the courageous, bold and fearless character of typical cholerics, since they consider him to accord them some sort of protection and security in their relationship. But more often than not, they do have this desire met, because a typical choleric person will do everything to protect and secure their loved ones. However, the phlegmatic spouse or partner will always have to remain very loyal and submissive to them. Sometimes, they are not allowed to even have a say or question the decisions and activities of their hard choleric lover, else they will turn their aggressive and ruthless behavioral pattern on them.
Despite anything, these two persons often fancies each other for marriage. But how their marriage turns out, is solely dependent on how the choleric spouse will have to be able to manage and maintain a balance between his work, career, plus business activities outside his home, and giving affection and attention to the emotional needs of his phlegmatic spouse or partner.
For this type of marriage between a predominant choleric and phlegmatic couples, it works better if the husband could be the phlegmatic, and the wife a choleric since women are no doubt much more considerate, responsive and affectionate to their heartthrobs, and perhaps also knows how to better manage their ego compare to a man. A choleric man with 45 percent of the secondary phlegmatic or melancholic temperament blend will also suffice to make this marriage work out. Since these secondary temperaments will help to whittle down the excesses of the predominant choleric traits, and thus, make the cholphleg or cholmel husband to be more compassionate and also considerate of the emotional needs of their phlegmatic wife.
For further reading about living with a choleric husband, I will recommend you order how to deal with a choleric husband by Claire Robin.
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